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A PIRATICAL VIEW OF LIFE...AND THE BACHELOR(ETTE)

ARGH!


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My Big Fat Greek Wedding That Isn't!

How out of it have I been? I just got some of the least shocking news since I heard Obama won the election: DeAnna Pappas put the dump job on 'ol Bonghit Spicoli. Wow! How amazingly unsuprising that was.There I was sailing through the Caribbean planning my next round of looting and pillaging when a seagull arrived with a letter announcing the news of their break-up. After I stopped laughing and picked myself up off the deck, I actually experienced a moments surprise when I realized that the faux couple weren't going to keep this up so they could cash in on the 'wedding'. But I don't think its from a lack of shamelessness however.

The seagull carried several articles including one where Chris "Wingman" Harrison actually took Jesse's side. Hmmm, must be an additional duty of romance reality TV hosts I wasn't aware of: refereeing break-ups. Anyway, rumors (and our own eyes) told you the fact that DeAnna was one world-class bitch, so the fact that Harrison and the Bachelor powers-that-be were only too happy to toss her under the nearest Greyhound should come as no surprise. Every reliable rumor from members of the production staff made it pretty plain that the picture we got to see of DeAnna on the show was no illusion.

Adding fuel to the soap opera fire, Jesse posted a whiny, tear-filled video on Youtube about the break-up.

Reality Check: A blind person could plainly see (even me!) that DeAnna had a serious case of the hots for just one person on her Bachelorette show: Graham Bunn. Graham left (or was dismissed, depending on who you believe) in position number 4. Three guys remained when Graham left and everything after that was anticlimax. As slim as the chance is that this show could actually produce a real romance, that small chance died when Graham left. Jeremy, Jason, and Jesse Csini...Csini...Cszin...the snowboarder were all left there like table scraps for a dog. The show had to continue, of course, no surprise there. But the fact that DeAnna dumped Jeremy and took the single dad to the finals so she could dump him for the snowboarding stonehead was a shock. Was it a diabolical plan from the producers? If it was, it was a dumb one. Once the show was over, numerous ass kissers came flooding out of the woodwork claiming to be "Jesse Fans". You know the fans I mean, the ones who were nonexistent during the show.

Regardless, the moment the show ended DeAnna "I want three kids by the age of thirty" Pappas and Jesse "I want three bags of weed by this weekend" Csin...Czini...The Snowboarder were selling items on Ebay, doing photo-ops nationwide and were driving a leased Maserati. Now word comes that DeAnna has "auditions" in California. Jesse insisted this wasn't what he wanted. (This from a guy who went on a reality show to sell his ex-girlfriends clothing line?) Sounds to me like the wingman has some more refereeing to do on this one.

Or better yet, lets let this whole mess die as quietly as possible, like it should have in the beginning. After all, a new Bachelor starring Jason is due to air in January and word has just confirmed that Charlie and B. are back together and Byron and Mary are making like crabgrass and refusing to die. Hope springs eternal.

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