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A PIRATICAL VIEW OF LIFE...AND THE BACHELOR(ETTE)

ARGH!


Sunday, May 16, 2010

5-16 The Season of the Spoiled




Spoiler-junkie, "Reality Steve" Carbone and his number 1 female fan.









It's a week away from the launch of Bachelorette 6, starring Ali Fedo....Feder...Ali, and once again the entire season has been hijacked by my fellow blogger and spoiler-ho, Steve Carbone--better known as "Reality Steve", but henceforth known here as Carboni the Jabroni. If you want to know the way the entire season shakes out, click Reality Dweeb! to visit his site. But be careful; don't go if you don't want to know. Like always, the Dweebsters info is almost certainly solid gold spoilage. While you're there, say hi to the 'ol Jabroni for me. You might also want to buy one of his t-shirts. I hear he's hard up for money.

I don't do spoilers for several reasons: 1) I don't know any. 2) Spoilers have nothing to do with what I try and do here on the Blast. You see, the Jabroni takes all of this seriously. It's his mission to try and win a virtual war against ABC and Bachelor Executive Producer/Human goiter, Mike Fleiss, by spoiling season after season to the masses and "expose" the show. Uh-huh. How's that workin' out? The ratings since the Jabroni first busted open one of the Bachelor's seedy endings (See: The Lord of the Douchebags!) have actually returned to their stratospheric heights of the first few seasons. Good job, Jabroni. Anyway, it doesn't matter to what I try and do here. My job is to be a grizzled, curmudgeony old wise-ass. That doesn't require spoilers--just a piss poor outlook on life.

ALI

Am I looking forward to it? Yeah, sure. Compared to last season's torturous marathon with Jake Cheesemachine Pavelka, this should be a walk in the park. Ali, when she's not being a whiny bitch, is actually pretty easy to watch on TV. In that Bachelor infomerical 20/20 staged disguised as a newsmagazine story, the Fleiss-monster admitted that Ali was the perfect Bachelorette. She's pretty without being model-hot and turning off female viewers; she is articulate and can come across as charming, and then turn on a dime and become a vengeful, poisonous, harpy. And as her endless exit from last season showed, she can cry a bucketful on cue. Yeah, she sounds perfect. Anyway, I'm not expecting it to be too bad. I wasn't until I read the Jabroni's spoilers anyway. Oh, wow. If we thought the last few seasons was over the top with scandal and sleaziness, we ain't seen nuthin'. Sounds like Fleiss-cretin has another big ratings winner on his hands.

READER COMMENTS

Seems as good a time as any to answer a few comments that I get on a regular basis. First of all, for all the kind comments I have received, thank you. It makes writing this worth the time and effort. Secondly, some have popped me for ragging Reality Steve for his T-shirt sales when there are ads on the Blast. Ok, fair enough, let me splain:

1) If you put ads on your blog, Google moves it higher up on the search list. (More people find you)
2) You can see how many people read your stuff. Page counts, etc.
3) Most importantly. They can't send you money (Two seasons: almost 5 bucks) without your name and address--which I haven't sent them and won't. It's about attracting some readers, not making enough money to buy a cuppa at Starbucks.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wasn't expecting to see anything here on your site for another week or week-and-a-half, so it was a nice surprise to run across something here. Sure you don't want to peddle a t-shirt along with your blog? I'd buy one! ;-)

Stewart said...

Looking forward to the snark this go round with Chemical Ali.

Chancelucky said...

I can't pinpoint when it happened, but Steve's Bachelor stuff slipped into being more about Steve than the show itself. Oddly, it's hard not watch the guy degenerate.

Simply put, you're a better writer than RS and I hang out here to enjoy that.

I've been wondering. What happened to letting black and Asian poeple on the show? Jake had the one Cambodian lady who said something lewd to him at the opening party, but it's been like KKK Bachelor or Teabagger Bachelor ever since Andy and Tess broke up. All these angry white guys on the last couple installments of the Bachelorette, I'm not sure what that's about.

I'm thinking Bristol Palin would make a great Bachelorette btw. Maybe have Kate Gosselin show up to give her advice on who to choose as a new father for her child.