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A PIRATICAL VIEW OF LIFE...AND THE BACHELOR(ETTE)

ARGH!


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

8/2--Bachelorete Finale--Operation: Screw Reality Steve and Family Emergency


Due to a family emergency, there will be only a short Blast for this finale. But we hardly need one. There will be plenty of time in the near future for snark about this show and definitely about that cesspool known as Bachelor Pad.

Just a few things to tidy up:
Screw Reality Steve!

Proof, if ever it was required, that Bachelor producer/sleazebucket, Mike Fleiss, has totally lost his mind. His show--once near death--has roared back to be a jewel in ABC's crown and he is obsessed with playing minds with an Internet blogger. Mr. Fleiss, your rubber room is ready. Reality Steve is a major reason this show has risen from the ratings dead, and Fleiss is now being as paranoid as J. Edgar Hoover about fooling, tricking, and punishing an internet blogger for spilling about his tacky show. Mr. Fleiss, when you finish cashing that latest check, go check yourself in...and take the wingman with you. You're both nuts.

The Silence of the Lambton


Yes, spoilers did say that Normal-Guy Chris would be let go early and never make it to the Final Rose Ceremony, and those were right. He went down hard, but with class as Ali came to him for their Last Chance Date and ditched him early. Women swooned. When this guy is announced as the next Bachelor, Fleiss and his casting cretins are going to be overwhelmed with applications from women willing to have his babies. It's all roses for this franchise.

Nixon is Fleiss' Newest Chief of Security

Wow. What lengths they must have gone to to hide this outcome. They closed the set of After the Final Rose for only the second time, Groucho Roberto and to a large extent, Chris Lambton disappeared off the radars. Ali was nothing short of masterful in her interviews about never lying, but leaving all options on the table. Gone are the days when the primary used to finish filming and then shout at the rooftops, "I'm in love! I'm engaged." Now, its all cat and mouse. The promos and interviews Harrison and Fleiss gave all hinted at a funereal dirge--a walk off by Ali. It's obvious that Fleiss has hired the reanimated corpse of former president Richard M. Nixon to run his security details. So, if in the future I refer simply to "Tricky Dick", you'll know of whom I speak. Tricky and his new plumbers battalion are out after leaks, but didn't quite succeed. Reality Steve finally managed to publish the truth the day of the finale (not that it mattered). I guess this is the template we can expect from now on.

A Beautiful, Sweaty Finale...and what was with that collar?

Ok, would have been prettier had they not made Roberto dress in a skin tight suit, take a humid boat ride and then walk a half a mile up some stairs to get to his bride-probably-ain't-gonna'-be. Since Ai said yes, its a good sign for the future though. That day, that humidity, and that suit would have melted any deodorant on planet earth. Roberto must have smelled like a pole cat. But she accepted anyway; good sign. But what I can't let go has nothing to do with humidity or long stair walks--what was with that shirt collar? Did Roberto buy it at an antique store? Nobody has worn a pointed shirt collar like that since Grover Cleveland was president--and that was long before he got exposed to the heat and humidity. It was a fitting swansong for the Funny One, who looked like something out of Young Frankenstein.

Note to Fleiss: Test some of the humidity levels at your Final Rose Ceremony Locations before you book them. Not every tropical location has sky high humidity. It's not very romantic when Prince Charming looks ready to drop dead from dehydration and heat stress. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot. You won't be able to look into this until your treatment is completed and your meds are stabilized. Forget I said anything.

Another season in the books. If Bachelor Pad turns out to be palatable, or really shitty, I'll try and be around to Blast it. If not, I'd be so bold as to predict we will be seeing the Lambton on our TV screens come October, and I will definitely see ya than.

6 comments:

AbbyRose said...

Aw, I LOVED the FRC! FINALLY a love story. They were using the old editing ploys of hiding the F1. A very nice departure of from making the F1 a monster. Of course with Roberto that would have been difficult to do.

I have my own Roberto in my life so I have faith in this couple. He is doing all the right things, as is Ali. I expect to see a wedding in the spring or summer on my tv.

Sorry about your family emergency, Captain. Take care of yourself and your family.

Sue said...

Dear Captain,

Hope all is well on the home front! Wishing you all the best.

I would agree with your perspective on Fleiss and RS… if it weren’t for the fact that RS has become somewhat of an ego-monster… and so frankly, I enjoyed seeing him knocked down a bit. And while Steve did publish the ending it was only AFTER he was scooped by someone on FORT…

By the by, in case you didn’t see it, the FORT leaker came back after the finale and posted the following:

“For those of you who are feeling sorry for Chris because of the way he was "dumped" by Ali please read this.

EVERYBODY knew very early on that Ali was going to choose Roberto. The cast, the crew, even the cat and the mouse knew how this story was going to end.

The challenge then became finding a way to keep the show interesting and to keep people guessing and watching. Justin and Frank helped a lot and Kasey and the Weatherman provided comic relief.

Was Ali "devastated" when Frank left? Let's just say she is a pretty good actress.

Chris L is a great guy and his edit was a true depiction of the man he is, but please understand that he was not surprised by what happened at the LCD with Ali. He was pretty sure that Ali was going to pick Roberto and because of that he didn't want to go thru the charade of the FRC. So the LCD scene was a relief to him. When he thanked Ali for ending it at the LCD he meant it.

And for those skeptics out there..., the rainbow was real!


Of all the seasons I have been involved with this show this one was the best. Ali was a pleasure to work with, the final two guys were attractive and likable, and the ending was like something in a fairytale.

This will be a tough act to follow!

Now a few words about Reality Steve:

In an earlier thread I told you that at first TPTB loved RS because the created buzz about the show. Ratings had been slipping but the past few seasons have shown renewed interest and big ratings.

But RS soon let all of his success go to his head. He appeared in magazines, TV shows, even interviewed disgruntled cast members. He bragged about how much money he is making, mocked people unmercifully, and smuggly declared that he was outsmarting everybody.

His ridiculous accusations about Jason choosing Melissa knowing that he was going to dump her for Molly tarnished the reputation of a decent man and he has yet to apologize for that.

And last season was a disaster in many ways. Jake was a pain to work with. Vienna was the most unpopular F1 ever, and RS "spoiled" the ending for everyone.


So this season when RS came out with his "she picks nobody" prediction there was a lot of joy in Bacheloretteville. After last season's anticlimactic FRC this year would be a surprise. And to top it off RS would forever be suspect with his future predictions.

Every possible effort was made to keep the finale a surprise, including the closed set on the ATFR. Ali did a great job in her interviews of keeping every possible ending on the table. Screencaps were carefully selected to keep people guessing. And it worked!

When I revealed the ending on Sunday I got calls from friends accusing me of betraying them. I explained that nobody believed what I said so it didn't matter what I posted. I was only adding to the conflicting stories that were out there.

In spite of all the spoilers and all the sluething the ending of this season truly surprised most people, not the least of whom is RS.

So now RS is scrambling to save his reputation and his blog and that makes everybody (except RS) happy. Perhaps his 15 minutes of fame is coming to an end. Time will tell.

Was he "set up" with deliberately planted bad information this season? I'll never tell!”

Whatever you want to say about Fleiss and his need for secrecy, the final was the best since 2004… so maybe he does know what’s he’s doing?

Sue said...

Had to finish in a separate post.... too long I guess....

As I’ve said, I never liked Ali. I found her to be immature and bitchy on Jake’s season. She (or her editing) improved this season to the point where I could tolerate her but only because she was the object of Chris’ affection.

Roberto seems like a nice guy, but he’s been drawn with such broad and generic strokes (handsome, latin lover) that I couldn’t really get too excited about him. No sour grapes, however, I do wish Ali and Roberto good luck… and if the past is any predictor of the future… they’re going to need it.

Honestly, fast-forwarded through the proposal itself b/c I didn’t really care… and couldn’t really bear to watch sweaty Roberto… looked like he was headed for heat stroke!! Loved your descriptions of the ill fitted suit and shirt, however!

Chris, on the other hand, whether by his actions or editing (or both) is a real life character to me… someone I could rally behind and support. I’m not surprised by rumors that he’s turning down offers to return as TB… maybe like Kiptyn/Reid, he’s seen the inner workings of the show and has decided to protect himself and his family from a deal with the devil.

Finally, while I personally don’t find any magic in Ali or her man (although I also have to give kudos to Ali/production for letting Chris go at his LCD)… the rainbow???! I mean that was truly awesome. And if the rainbow itself wasn’t enough, seeing Chris’ reaction, an unbelieving wide-eyed smile, was just too precious! Ok, yes, I admit to wiping a tear from my eye.

Captain, can’t wait to watch Bach Pad with you!! See you soon.

Your fan, Sue

Debbie said...

Captain -

Hope that your family emergency is well behind you now & that everything is OK.

As always, loved your recap along with AbbyRoses's and Sue's analysis. In my mind, I will forever see Roberto as sweating more than Mike Tyson at a spelling bee... ;-)

Chancelucky said...

I confess, I actually found the final rose ceremony touching. For once, they had the Bachelorette/Bachelor show a little character at the end so we could actually root for him/her (it was a long time coming with Ali). This was a complete reveral of the Jason/Jesse/DEanna thing.

In the meantime, I have inside sources for the Date It's All About Steve contest. The women all take off and he's left with someone called Maddy. The ASPCA is alerted shortly before the fantasy date and it's the most dramatic moment in Bachelor history follows. I don't have all the details yet, but it involves a fire hose.

Remember, I haven't been wrong yet until now and that doesn't really count because of whatever.

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