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A PIRATICAL VIEW OF LIFE...AND THE BACHELOR(ETTE)

ARGH!


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

7-27-The Men Tell All: Roasting the Wrassler!


Well, what else were they supposed to do? With Normal-Guy Chris, Groucho Roberto, the Frankfurter, hell, even alcoholic mayhem-bully, Craig Walken-Drunk, all missing from the show there was little else to fill the two hour slot but to pound the also absent Wrassler into dust. They also spent a good deal of time dealing with Kasey Mushmouth and his tattoo. Unfortunately they let him sing again too. Just some brief thoughts of what was actually a watchable broadcast, as long as the remote was at the ready to fast-forward through the painful parts.

1) Outtakes: always good and should always have been included in the original broadcast. Ali running away from a mouse and having to be reminded she wore a space helmet on a museum date because she was so blitzed at the time she literally blacked out on her feet.

2) Chris N.: "The Phantom" lives! Holy shit! Somebody pressed the mute button, and while they were at it they also pressed the "Add Personality" button. This guy rocked on. Why didn't we see any of the Phantom stuff during the show? Oh, that's right; they were too busy highlighting all the insane douchebaggery and canned date-lines. Why bother showing funny private interviews when you can have some loser repeat the phrase "amazing" 72 times? I'd hate to actually get to know any of these guys. You suck, Fleiss.

3) Frankfurter the Forgiven: The edit was actually fair to Frank. Man, that one threw me, but I suspect I know why. Harrison kept mentioning the fact that Frank is scheduled to appear next week on ATFR and eat crow for being such a loser. That was the plan anyway. Who knows if he'll show up or not? Spoilers are everywhere and nowhere insisting that the ATFR was filmed/not filmed, and that Frank was a no-show even if it did happen. We'll see, but he came out of this smelling better than expected regardless. He even had a defender. Which leads us to...

4) Co-host, Palooka Craig: This was unexpected. Never has the focus been on such an inconsequential also-ran like it was last night. Wingman Harrison has taken a beating the past few seasons for whipping up on the no-show villains; well last night, he took the night off and they promoted formerly drunken lawyer, Palooka Craig to be his co-host. He did the wingman's dirty work for him. This guy, sounding very much like a lawyer (and sober again) de-molished the Wrassler. It was like watching a trained prosecutor going after the guy and Craig crushed him. Surprisingly, he was also allowed to put on a spirited defense of his buddy, The Frankfurter too. And I'd be shocked if he didn't change some minds out there on the subject as well. Maybe he was just a better exposition character than the wingman could manage being, but I suspect this was also Plan C or D being put into effect as well. If negotiations fall through with either (or both) of the final 2, they will need a back up plan. Craig would be a risky stretch as the next Bachelor. Although he's no worse-looking than Jason Mesnick was, he also doesn't have the single dad sob-story going for him either. Confident, articulate, and funny, he does bring some promise to the table, and since I have don't have a hormone-dog in this fight, I can say it would be wonderful to see a lawyer who actually wants to practice law and not appear on Dancing With The Stars or be a co-host for ET as the primary. Would the female audience buy it? That's another matter, and one I'm not qualified to judge. But there was can be no doubt this was a trial balloon of sorts. They start filming in October and they would need to get this guy a trainer and gym membership pronto. Of course, there might another reason that Plan D was so in focus. Maybe Plan C wasn't quite up to the role because...

5) Drunken Captain Kirk: Whoa! This guy was bombed! The de-facto f3 with the tale of heroism battling mold poisoning should have been a major part of the show. He was one of only two clods dragged into the hot seat by the wingman, but was practically mute other than that. I think it was because monosyllabic slurs to the wingman's cheesy softballs were about all he could manage with that blood alcohol level going on. Sarian Brandy or Romulan Ale or whatever it was he was pounding, somebody should have taken the bottle away from the guy. They had to edit as hard as they could to make him coherent, but I hope somebody got this guy's car keys. By all rights, this guy should be Plan C...and maybe he is.

6) Jessie Who? Sulidis: Blech! Famewhore came out to justify her inclusion on Bachelor Pad and played the part of snitch just like she did on The Women Tell All last season when she buried, and seemed to lie through her face, about Rozlyn the Ho and her producer-boyfriend. She's earned her place all right.

Ok, well, we all await the finale and any spoilers that come our way until then. Regardless of the outcome, I'll be around to Blast it.

See ya then.

8 comments:

AbbyRose said...

Cannot wait to read your read up on the FRC and ATFR show. I think that it will be a tad more interesting that we were lead to believe. There has to be a reason that Ali is Fleiss's fave of all time ~ enough promo from him that he managed to hurt Trista's feelings for saying it. At least Cardboard Cut Out Chris was able to tell Trista he was still her all-time favorite. I guess that is why Fleiss needs a wing man.

It is interesting how much they were focusing on lawyer Craig. Truly I cannot see him as the next Bachelor. He would be funny but just 'no.' I do not see it.

Kirk will be busy with his mold poisoning trial which is set for November, unless he gets another delay of trial but I think that he wants his $$.

Jessie. Blah. Go away. Now.

Are you watching the Bach Pad, Captain? I am going to pass on it, but will read your write ups if you plan to do so.

Stewart said...

Sally loves Craig, but then she's married to an out of shape big mouth in real life so that may be the attraction. I could do without that mousy chick who likes to tattle. What a loser. Anyways, I'll be watching the Bachelor Pad just so I can see that 80 year old drunk guy with the big hair get crazy and pick fights.

Sue said...

Ahoy Captain,

I see that you were trolling around on RS and FORT. You are a better man than me for taking the time to listen to Justin on RS… anything (more) to report?

I thought that Kasey actually came off as fully self-aware and owning his crazies. Good for him (and true) for saying there was a women that would love all of him! I believed him.

I didn’t notice that Kirk was bombed, hmmm; but he did look like he was going to fall asleep… but not faster than my husband did during this broadcast!

You totally called it on Jessie S.!

Best contestant of the night was definitely Craig; smart and witty.

Was surprised we didn’t hear more from the Weatherman.

Really liked the outtakes; especially the prank Chris and the boys played on Craig in Turkey, with the water in bed… I seriously laughed out loud. It was great that he was such a good sport about it too!

So, in spite of telling myself I wasn’t going to get invested, I’m totally invested in Chris… I see that he started as a friend, but in these last few episodes he really came on strong and pulled me in to his story. Based on spoilers (yes, I even broke down and have been reading these!!), however, it’s not looking good for my boy… Why do I care??! I mean I really don’t like Ali (although she has redeemed herself significantly from last season’s drama queen persona)… so why should I care that she doesn’t choose Chris…????? A question for my therapist, I’m sure!

Most interesting is that RS may finally have been outwitted and fed false info by Fleiss… RS has never been a humble sort… so if this is true, I wonder how he’ll respond. Time will tell.

Until next week (which can not come soon enough in my book, I’m ready to be done with this crazy mess)…..

Your fan, Sue

PS – Do you think Chris will agree to be the Bachelor?

PSS – I am so on the Bach Pad train… looks like it’s going to be a wreck and then some.

Chancelucky said...

I could see Craig as the Bachelor, though I'm not sure I'd watch it. Maybe a season where the guy actually just dates the women and picks one he likes. Craig can actually talk on camera without a script. I'm not sure Ali or Jason could do that.

I'm not at all sure what happened with Jillian. When she was actually the Bachelorette, it's like her personality got left in that hot tub with Jason Mesnick.

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