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A PIRATICAL VIEW OF LIFE...AND THE BACHELOR(ETTE)

ARGH!


Monday, September 7, 2009

9/7--Poll Results--and they say a lot






YOU Have Spoken.
















Ok, Poll results are in. I asked you guys to vote not for who you wanted to see as the next Bachelor, but for who you THOUGHT would get the role. Now, I suspect there was a lot of wishful thinking going on in the voting and not as much truth, but hey, free country and all of that. The results, however, speak volumes about the preferences of the fandom's hardcore base. They are:

Out of 42 votes cast, fan favorite Reid Rosenthal picked up 27 votes, or 64%. Bloodless human statue, Kiptyn Locke, scored a minuscule 8 votes, or 19%, while Jake Cheesemachine Pavelka came in dead-assed last with only 7 votes, or 16%. Even more tellingly, this poll ran congruently with the first swirling rumors that the new Bachelor had been chosen and all signs pointed toward Pavelka. This should serve as a warning sign to the producers of just how strongly the fandom does not want this guy. The boards are filled with comments about his expected candidacy that run the gamut from the rarely believed vow "not to watch" to the more believable assertion that the show will be fodder only for it's comic potential of seeing the disingenuous Cheeser wandering around spouting off scripted hyperbole like he's the new wingman, and engaging in false dating with a herd of fameho's or the truly gullible. Fandom's bottom line (and its nearly universal) is that even the pretense of fairytale romance will be thrown out the window if Pavelka is announced at the next Bachelor.

Perhaps last weeks rumors were merely a trial balloon to see how the base would react to Pavelka? Well if they were, Fleiss and Co. got their answer with one giant Thud! My blog is tiny, with a small readership, but like any polling it makes the statistical sampling point quite nicely. Name Pavelka in the role and the producers can forget the base pestering their co-workers around the water cooler to watch the show and root for "X." Becoming invested in the 'journey' of any contestant? Fuggetaboutit! There aren't enough gullible human beings in the western hemispheres television market to believe this guy after seeing him in focus for a few weeks. Without any belief in the sincerity of the lead, ratings will collapse like like a house made of jelly. And the post show interviews? Every TV producer in the land who assigns this story to his on-air talent will have in their tremulous mitts the clip from last season of Pavelka collapsing over that hotel balcony railing and bawling. Just imagine that clip in the hands of Jimmy Kimmel; comic relief gives way to farce, and farce is the one thing this show can never openly declare. The threat that someone might actually fall in love is the foundation of the show--the drama and BS are just the garnish. Fandom doesn't have a long memory, but they remember the last Bachelor who was so desperate to get the role that he went along with whatever he was told: Jason Mesnick.

Mesnick was up against Jeremy Anderson for the role. Anderson was a lawyer with leading man good looks while Mesnick looked like what he was: a Jewish insurance salesman with an ok bod, ok looks, and trending toward baldness. By just about any barometer, Anderson should have gotten the job. But Mesnick had a huge fanbase among the masses and the fandom, and that along with Mesnicks' malleability to producer wishes won out. The fandom learned it's lesson. The ending Mesnick and the producers orchestrated remains the biggest trainwreck in this show' s history and Mesnick remains about as popular as the Ebola virus with fans. Despite the big ratings the finale scored, I can't imagine any thinking human being wanting to see a replay of the Mesnick/Rycroft/Mallaney ending. There remains a real chance that Mallaney and Mesnick might actually marry--and for the first time in show history virtually no one will care. They just want them to go away.

The results of my little poll on my little blog are clear: The Fandom Does Not Want Jake Pavelka--they will settle for Kiptyn Locke--and they REALLY want Reid Rosenthal, despite my personal misgivings. I'm at the point of actually daring the producers to go ahead and hire the Cheeser. It will make feminist groups happy to get rid of this show once and for all, and I can reclaim my life and stop blogging. Any Fleiss-minions wandering around here should get the message: Pay Rosenethal what he wants and enjoy a banner season. Hire Pavelka only if you're tired of getting checks from ABC. Personally, I plan to eviscerate the guy on a weekly basis. Snark-blogging about Pavelka will definitely channel my inner-barbarian, and it will be about as difficult as killing goldfish in a rain barrel using hand grenades. When the ratings fell because of your sloppiness last time, Fleiss, ABC stuck with you. I wouldn't count on getting a third chance. Fair warning.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Captain,

"Snark-blogging about Pavelka will definitely channel my inner-barbarian, and it will be about as difficult as killing goldfish in a rain barrel using hand grenades. "

hahahahahaha.

Funny, I voted for Reid, b/c of reasons noted in your previous blog below... but after this current blog, I'm beginning to sense the potential landmine of hilarity in Jake... could be a snarkfest after all - I'm in!!!

Your fan, Sue

Anonymous said...

I wanted Reid because a little more face time on tv would have shown what a neurotic indecisive weenie he is. The fantasy that so many internet fans dreamed up about this guy would have been shattered and THAT would have been fun to watch.

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