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A PIRATICAL VIEW OF LIFE...AND THE BACHELOR(ETTE)

ARGH!


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

2/16--It's All About Steve

Does anybody really want me to recap this shit? Really? Ok, here goes:

(Begin recap:) The Bachelor goes to the land where they filmed Lord of the Rings and frankly, I'm pissed I didn't get to see Gandalf. But I did get see Frodo. He was the hairy little guy dragging three babes around to various scenic spots, necking with them, staring at them and barely talking, yanking them into hot tubes, bubble baths, and anything with water in it besides a mud puddle, and then dumping the one with the Canadian accent. In between he managed to put enough heat on them to get them all to admit they were 'in-love' with him and got the chance to whip out the 'ol sexcard and warm his bed with all three. Not a bad week for a hobbit. (End recap)

As if anyone gives a shit what happened. This entire season has been hijacked by my fellow blogger, Reality Steve. Steve has been cackling like the wicked witch for the last several weeks; letting everyone know he has a secret--nah, nah, nah, nah, nah! And according to his latest missive, he's going to drop that bomb tomorrow morning at 8:30 am CST. Because of Steve's threats and clues, this entire season has come down to one individual and the insider info he says he has. Even the most naive rooter seems to have figured out that Steve isn't lying. Bachelor producer/human turd, Mike Fleiss, spent all weekend going into full hype mode about the finale, and today, his weak wingman, Chris Harrison spent the better part of his own sucky blog defending himself and the show against the charges Steve hasn't even leveled yet. Gone was the wingman's normal jocularity and bombastic homilies, replaced by by an air of whistling past the graveyard. Harrison sounded like the Captain of a battleship who can see the torpedo wakes heading at him and there's not a damn thing he can do.


I have no idea what Steve has but I'm looking forward to it like everyone else. There's little more to say at this point. Nobody ever gives a shit about the women tell all show coming next week and maybe I was watching last night with an extra-cynical eye, but Jason and the women generated zero heat in my eyes. The show was as boring as any they've ever produced. If that was scripted, well, they need to get a new writer then. Endless shots of Jason and his hairy-assed face, staring wordlessly at the girls while they gave little or no information about themselves. Riveting stuff. The only revelation of the night was a comment I saw from some poster on one of the boards. They stated that Jason looked like Curious George. Bingo! I've been trying to decide for two seasons who (or what) Jason looks like and damn if that isn't it. I liked Curious George when I was a kid. Cute books. Last night, it looked like Curious George Triple Dips! I'm pretty sure I would have loved that book as a kid too. Shame.

Ok, until Steve launches the torpedo of death and Steve, Argh! to you! Fire when ready!

3 comments:

AbbyRose said...

Right-o you are my fair pirate ~ Steve is the man of the hour right now. Interesting stuff! I wonder if the Fleiss-ettes are in full press damage control right now? Appears so.

Now that is the Reader's Digest version of a Bachelor show recap!

Chancelucky said...

Basically, we've been told Santa Claus isn't real. We already knew that, but now the whole Steve thing, if true, is like saying the whole nativity bit and Mary, Joseph, the Inn was some sort of deal with Macy's, Best Buy to sell product.

All the fun is gone....even the pretend fun. It's just not fair :}

Stewart said...

Well I read Steve's announcement and I think Jason is a douchebag. Melissa is way hotter and nicer than Molly. Molly looks like a damn alien with those bug eyes. Anyways, it does kind of take the fun out of it to know what's going to happen. Oh well